One of my new favorite hobbies is going through my Stat Counter and Lijit reports and discovering which terms readers search to reach this blog. Popular terms include “Pasta Puttanesca Recipe,” “How Do You Eat a Persimmon” and “Things You Shouldn’t Say in Italy” – and we’ll get back to that in a minute.

It is an eye-opening experience, glimpsing into the mind of the average Italophile Internet-searcher, and it brings a certain responsibility that I refuse to take lightly.

So, you asked-or someone did!-and now I’ll answer. Here are five of the most interesting terms that were searched this week on My Bella Vita.

photo credit: Spencer E Holtaway

1. Che Cazzo Fa

See? I told you we’d get back to things you should say.

Che Cazzo Fa is literally translated as “What the …” wait, we’ve been over this. I’ve already warned you about this one.

2. You Dirty Pig in Italian

You dirty pig-or brutto porco-is yet another example of something you shouldn’t really say. I pressed my husband for details on this expression and his words to me, and thus to you, were, “Cherrye, you shouldn’t really say it. It is not very … classy.”

He did, however, admit that friends freely toss this term around when joking with each other.

3. Why Do Italians Say Ma Va

I almost fell out of my chair reading this because I instantly envisioned a young Italian-American struggling to decipher the words his grandmother muttered in moments of frustration as she walked around her kitchen table.

Seriously, can’t you see it?

She’s walking around the room, an over-sized moo-moo like dress hanging to her knees-in my vision it is white with tiny red and pink flowers-and she’s throwing her hands into the air in utter annoyance, muttering, “ma va …”

Ok. I’m back.

Anyway, dear Google searcher, your grandmother-yes, I’m still hung up on that-says ma va as a precursor to the granddaddy of Italian expressions, “ma vafaculo.”

And no. It isn’t nice to say.

4. Flirting with Italian Men

Interestingly enough, my blogging pal, Jessica of Why Go Italy recently wrote an article about impressing Italians. Her tips might help if you’re looking to date one or take him home to mamma. I’d also recommend you flirt unabashedly.

They do.

And you know … when in Rome.

5. Should I Sleep with an Italian Man

Seriously, I could not make this stuff up.

So, honey, if you re-Google this or come back here on the seemingly off-chance that I answered your question, you are in luck.

My initial thought was, “it works for me!”

But then I decided to go the more responsible route and reply with “get to know your partner and use a condom. Or just in case he doesn’t speak English … un preservativo!

Bloggers, have you had any funny search terms come up in your stats lately? Please share. And readers, feel free to leave a comment or question. This little post could turn into a series.

Some of you might remember a couple of months ago when I dedicated August as my All-Italian language month. As I  reported, it went well-my grammar got kicked up a notch and I became more fluid in everyday conversations.

I’ve been asked to interpret and translate and although I am not 100% confident in my language skills, I am conversational. And that is a good thing, right?

Well, a few weeks ago I was introduced to ItalianPod101.com.

I clicked through to their site and was instantly charmed by the home page video of a sassy Italian marketing their products. I was charmed – so I did as any new user to their site can do – I signed up for a free account.

For seven days, new users have access to all of their lessons, receive daily emails regarding the program lesson of the day and can listen to their audios, read scripts and visit the Learning Center.

“Since they asked me to be an affiliate, I’ll check it out.” I thought. “This might be good for beginning Italian students or for Italy-bound travelers.”

In my expat-ego horror, I clicked on “Advanced” and started to listening to “Nicole’s Italy.”

Gulp.

It is not just for beginner’s, folks.

I went to the Learning Center, downloaded the dialogue, opened the lesson notes, audio transcript and vocabulary list,  and got down to business.

My favorite thing about this premium lesson was the interactive line-by-line audio transcript. More often than not I understand the gist of the dialogue, but I lose words here and there throughout the conversation.

This tool allowed me to read along-and listen to each line, one word at a time, until I got it.

It’s brilliant!

Also included in the lesson are vocabulary flashcards and practice questions, designed to reinforce your vocabulary, writing and comprehension.

Incredibly, podcasts and forum access are free. F-R-E-E!

I know …

However, ItalianPod101 also three membership levels that start at $4.00 a month.

I recommend this website for anyone who is planning a trip to the bel paese, for people who are trying to improve  their grammar or vocabulary skills and for anyone else who is serious about learning Italian.

Click here to check out ItalianPod 101 today.

And be sure to let me know what you think!

Becoming fluent in another language takes hard work, a little patience and a tough skin. You have to listen to the language. You have to speak the language. And it helps if you can live the language.

So if all of this is true … why, oh why is it so dang hard to learn Calabrese?

I hear it all of the time.

I think it is cute and clever.

And I already know a word or two.

Today, I’m gonna share it with you.

And just so you can be deep and philosophical like the Calabrians around me, here are three easy-to-remember Calabrese proverbs you can learn today.

photo credit: santafeegret

Calabrese Proverb: “L’arcu suca acqua.”

Italian Translation: “L’arcobaleno prepara la pioggia.”

Translation for the rest of us: “The rainbow prepares the rain.”

… and isn’t that a sweet thought?

photo credit: Ange Soleil ( a.k.a Tweng )

Calabrese Proverb: “Lavùru fattu, dinàri aspetta.”

Italian Translation: “Chi lavora deve essere pagato.”

Translation for the rest of us: “He who works, must be paid.”

and for the record, I couldn’t agree more.

photo credit: luis perez

Calabrese Proverb: “Si ‘un ti muovi ti mangianu i muschi.”

Italian Translation: “Se non ti muovi ti mangeranno le mosche.”

Translation for the rest of us: “If you don’t move, the flies will eat you.”

I’m speechless …

I hope you enjoy this three-minute Calabrese lesson and in bocca al lupo!

I pledged August as my first All-Italian language month and I am happy to say, so far, so good.

In the last few weeks I’ve been inundated with emails and have had other expats ask me how it works. So, here’s an update on the funniest, most difficult and most out-of-English-speaking-body moments I’ve had to date.

photo credit: cw3283 (cwPhotography)

Funniest Moment(s)

1. Did I Say That?

Ok, so this happens in Italian even when you aren’t pledging an All-Italian language month, but it makes sense the more you speak Italian-the more embarrassing mistakes you’ll make. Some of my latest include … post continues here.

Photo by Yan Pritzker Photo on Flickr

 
“How do you say that again?”
 
“I thought I’d be fluent by now.”
 
“I’m just not good with languages …”
 
One of the first things expats who move to non-English speaking countries are faced with is the 24-hour language fest-and if you are anything like me, you left your invitation at home.
 
Over the last year negative phrases like these have crept into my consciousness and crowded my mind with self-doubt and insecurities. I. Just. Can’t. Get. It.
 
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly conversational in Italian, can understand most people and accents and can basically get by in any situation.
 
But it ain’t purty.
 
Post continues here.
 

Just like everything else where you have to take the good with the bad, living in Italy-and learning its romantic, sing-song language, has its bad side.

photo credit: stevendepolo

Luckily for me, the bad side is the fun side. A few months ago, Jessica at Why Go Italy listed her 8 favorite Italian curse words and later followed up with 12 more words from her Reader’s Choice.

And yes … those are good ones. But just for fun, here are 3 of my most sinfully favorite curse word expressions in Italian that you could, but shouldn’t let your mamma hear you say.

1. Ma che cazzo

Most often muttered when someone does or says something you don’t understand and partnered with the uplifted pinched fingers. It means, “what the F&ck are you talking about?”

And it is fun to say.

2. Porca puttana

Put “porca” in front of a word and it automatically gets dirtier. In this case, porca puttana or “pig whore,” can be used you are mad about something … like, “The airline tickets are double what we paid last year. Porca puttana!”

3. Puttana d’ Eva

This was one of the first Italian curse expressions I learned and it just goes to show how much the human race-or at least, the Italians, blame Eve for their maladies.

While calling Eve a whore is never a nice thing, the whole idea behind getting pissed at Eve because you drop your book (or any other little thing you do where you would normally say “damn”) is just plain funny.

Although I don’t use this expression often, it always makes me smile. Yes, I know where I’m going …

But what about you? Do you tend to curse more in another language than you do in English? What are some of your favorites?

 
I don’t know what it is about the men from my graduating class-Go Lions!-but I’ve been inundated lately with requests to help them plan an Italian vacation for their wives. I mean, who knew they were so romantic? Maybe my fellow female classmates shoudda held on to those boys when they had them.
 
Ahem.
 
As I was saying, there are a lot of people crossing the pond this summer and heading to the Bel Paese. I’ve written detailed posts on how to choose a destination in Italy, how to travel on the trains and even how to stay safe in the Eternal City … Heck, I’ve even written 50 tips for traveling in Italy-Part I and Part II.
 
Still, I received a rushed email in the wee morning hours just a day and a half before someone’s first big Italian vacation.
 
“Can you help me, Cherrye? I just need a few words to get by … I want to look like I’m trying.”
 
Gulp!
 
So I sent a quick reply with some of my best off-the-top-of-my-head phrases-and I’m sharing that with you.
 
—
 
Contrary to what many Americans believe, all Italians don’t speak and/or understand English-especially in small villages, southern regions or untouristy cities. So don’t rely on that. I also advise people who don’t speak Italian well to carry a small notebook and pen and instead of asking for directions orally, ask that they be written. It might be easier to read “go straight until you see the Duomo, then turn left at the piazza,” than understand it.
 
Here is a handful of Italian phrases that might be helpful during your next trip!
 
Hello & goodbye (informal) = Ciao (pronounced: Chow)
 
Good night = Buona notte (pronounced: BWOHnah NOHT-tay)
 
Yes = Si (pronounced: See)
 
No = No (pronounced: No)
 
Thank you = Grazie (pronounced: GRAHtseea)
 
Please = Per favore (pronounced: Pehr fah VOE-ray)
 
You’re welcome = Prego (pronounced: like the tomato sauce)
 
Excuse me (like if you bump into someone) = Scusi (pronounced: Scoo zee)
 
Excuse me (like if you want to pass by) = Permesso (pronounced: Pehr-MAY-so)
 
I don’t understand = Non capisco (pronounced: Non ka pee sko)
 
How do you say this in Italian? = Como si dice questo in Italiano? (pronounced: Komo say dichay kwesto in ee tal y ano?)
 
Do you speak English? = Parla Inglese? (pronounced: Par la eeng lay say?)
 
Who? = Chi? (pronounced: Key?)
 
What? = Che cosa? (pronounced: Kay ko sa?)
 
Why? = Perche? (pronounced: Pehr kay?)
 
When? = Quando? (pronounced: Kwahn doe?)
 
Where? = Dove? (pronounced: Doe vay?)
 
How? = Come? (pronounced: Koh may?)
 
How much? = Quanto? (pronounced: Kwan toe?)
 
What time is it? = Che ora e? (pronounced: Keh OH-rah eh)
 
Need a little more help? Check out About.Com’s Guide to the Italian Language and listen to some of their audios.
 
What other phrases do you think travelers should know? What did you wish you knew last time you were out and about in Italy?
 
Until next time … Buon Viaggio!
 
 

 
Anyone who has ever tried to learn a foreign language knows the struggle, agony and fear that can accompany said language. You know … like my embarrassing boob blunder last week.
 
New languages are tough.
 
But if you stick with it long enough, somewhere, without provocation or warning you’ll become the language. You’ll start to speak it more easily, understand it without trying and sometimes … just sometimes … it’ll spew from your native English-language lips like an east Texas oil rig on a landowner’s lucky day. Meaning of course, you can’t stop it … and that you’ll love it.
 
Normally this happens when I’m talking to an American friend back home who is all-too-quick to remind me that they don’t live the bella vita and that they have no clue what I’m talking about. So, I quickly glide back to safe man’s land and into English.
 
But over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that all things aren’t easier said than done. In fact, sometimes there really is only one way to say it. So, here are three Italian expressions I love to use that just don’t have an English-language equivalent. (So note to all of my Texas-based amici … learn these expressions, cause I can’t go back now!)
 

photo credit: domasan

 
1. Bella/Bruta Figura
 
Literal Translation: Beautiful / Ugly figure
 
Actual Translation: To make a good impression / Bad impression
 
Example: Se noi non andiamo al suo matrimonio, facciamo una bruta figura.
 
Why it is better in Italian:
 
Well … here is why.
 
A few weeks ago my sister ranted to me about a Little League coach from her son’s league. This man is a well-respected member of the community, but let competition rule his decisions over the welfare of one of the players. I was shocked-and I must add, disappointed-by his actions and blurted out.
 
“I can’t believe he’d risk a bruta figura for that. The game doesn’t even matter. It wasn’t playoffs or anything.”
 
“Uhm, Cherrye. Bruta figura?”
 
“Yea, uhm … getting a bad name. Uhm … making people think less of him. Uhm … his reputation.”
 
You see … Italian is much easier to sum up in two words. Bruta. Figura.
 

photo credit: Taylor Marie photography

 
2. Sono Stufa
 
Translation: I’m tired of …
 
Example: “Sono stufa di questa professoressa!”
 
Why it is better in Italian:
 
Because it is more forceful. Saying “I’m tired of this” doesn’t quite cut it. Sono stufa means I’m so sick and tired of this crap that I’m about to explode … without all of the extra words!
 

photo credit: Lazurite

 
3. Mah!
 
Literal Translation: Mah?!?
 
Example:
 
“Non ci posso credere che ha detto di no!”
 
“Mah. Cosa poi fare?”
 
Why it is better in Italian:
 
Because it sums it all up and you can say it anytime you want … for almost any occasion.
 
“Should we have steak or chicken?”
 
Mah!
 
“How far is it from your house to the airport?”
 
Mah …
 
“Her husband is such shite!”
 
Mah …
 
What about you? What are some things you prefer saying in a certain language that just doesn’t quite have the same force in another language?
 
 

 
Ahhh … la bella lingua Italiana. Don’t you just love the way the romance rolls off of your tongue and how even the taxi driver sounds sexy when he’s giving directions and over-estimating your cab fare?
 
Italian is one of the most beautiful languages in the world and I’m not the first woman to fall in love with a man who spurt its potion. Lucky for me, that man also gushes his sweet nothings in English … so he is a keeper.
 
I’ve come a long way in the three years since I’ve lived in Calabria. I’ve gone from exaggerated hand gestures and speaking entirely in the infinitive, for example “io andare a supermercato,” and can even throw in an advanced grammar structure and use “voi” in group situations.
 
But I’m not *that* fluent.
 
That is why I was eager to register for a free advanced Italian course paid for by the EU and given through a local school in Catanzaro Lido. I signed up for the course in March, and like some of my English-speaking comrades here in Catanzaro, was told the class would start in 10 days and they’d give me a call.
 
So, I waited. And waited.
 
Last Friday I got the call.
 
“The class will start Tuesday at 4:30,” she told me.
 
“Benissimo!” I replied. “Will the class be every Tuesday at this time?”
 
Silence.
 
So I rephrased my question. “Will the class be at the same time each Tuesday?”
 
Again-a brief silence, then, “I’m just giving you this information now, Ma’am. They’ll have to tell you the rest.”
 
I should have expected no less!
 
A few minutes later one of my American friends called. “Did you get your call?” She asked excitedly.
 
“Yes!” I told her. “Next Tuesday at 4:30.”
 
“4:30?” She sounded surprised. “They told me 3:30!”
 
So Tuesday rolled around and being the ever-efficient American student I am, I called to confirm the time. After all, these conversations were in Italian and it is possible one of us misunderstood. I called the number and a young man answered, “Pronto?”
 
“Is this the number for the Italian class?” I asked.
 
“Uhm … Si.”
 
“What time does the class start today?” I asked.
 
“Uhm … 3:30.”
 
Alrightly, then.
 
We headed the three kilometers to the school, notebooks in hand and were met near the entrance by a group of school employees who bombarded us with questions.
 
“Ohh …,” one man finally said. “You are here for the Italian class? It doesn’t start until 4:30!”
 

Our Italian teachers Francesca, Amalia and Paola

 
We  finally made it to class, met with our teachers and new classmates and after several rounds of answering questions such as “Where are you from?” “How old are you?” and “What is your  highest degree?” we were put in groups.
 
The three Americans with our shining Bachelors degrees were grouped with a retired doctor from Russia. The other four students, immigrants from Morocco and Nigeria were grouped together. In defense of this grouping system, I must add that there was a noticeable communications gap among the students-we were writing in Italian; they were learning basic vocabulary words.
 
So-for the next eight weeks of Tuesdays and Thursdays, yours truly will be in a classroom in Catanzaro Lido from 3:00-7:00 (Gah!) polishing her Italian skills.
 

Me, with California Girl, Yavette and Arizona native, Laura

 
So don’t try to pull any quick ones on me, Mr. Taxi Driver … I’ll be ready for you!
 
This is the first Italian language class I’ve ever taken. Have you taken an Italian-or any foreign language-class? What should I expect? Don’t you think four hours is torturous?