Five Tips for Surviving an International Long Distance Relationship

Posted on: Mar 12, 2010

Surviving a long distance relationship is not impossible.

No, it’s not easy-but it is doable.

I dated my husband five years long distance-he was in southern Italy, I was in southeast Texas-and they were the longest five years of my life.

They were also instrumental in helping us nurture our relationship and establish the foundation we have today.

Every now and then I get emails from people, usually women, who are dating an Italian man long distance and looking for some tips, advice or just a caring “ear” from someone who’s been there.

Today, I’ll share those tips with you.

Here are five tips for surviving an international long distance relationship.

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1. Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk

… and then talk some more.

Long distance partners have it easier today than we had it just four or five  years ago. With Skype chat and video you can actually engage in conversations without having to rush through phone calls that are costing you a fortune.

Still, that’s what we did.

We called each other three or four times a day, sometimes just to check in and say hi, other times to share a funny story about something that had just happened and other times when we had planned a phone call.

In fact, getting into a routine and knowing when you will hear from your partner is good idea. It helps cement expectations and helps you avoid manic why-hasn’t-he-called moments.

2. Have a Plan

Some relationship experts will tell you to have a plan on when the two of you will be together-forever. Personally, I think that is a little extreme. When my husband and I decided to try our hands at a long distance relationship, we had no idea how it would work out.

Instead of adding to an already stressful relationship by forcing a plan that may or may not be easy to make, take baby steps.

Have a plan on when you will see each other next.

Airport goodbyes are always sad and tearful, but knowing when you will see each other again is essential for moving forward.

3. Get a Life

You absolutely can not have a positive long distance relationship if you crawl into your bed and turn off the lights until he resurfaces. You have to have a life.

Finding your groove when you are apart will fill the time and help you feel more independent-an attractive quality in any partner.

That being said, I attribute much of our success to the fact that we were both over the going-out-every-night-drinking-and-dancing stages of our lives. One night of alcohol-induced craziness can kill any relationship … imagine what it could do after months of missing your long distance lover.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

4. Stay Connected

And I’m not talking Internet, phone or Skype here. I’m talking about you.

Staying connected and ensuring you remain on the same page is instrumental to the success of your LDR. It is also a good idea to put yourself in his/her shoes. Before we’d make any big decision, we would think of what we would have wanted the other person to do in that situation.

If you wouldn’t be comfortable with your boyfriend going out and having drinks with a same-city ex, then you shouldn’t go. But again … make sure you are on the same page.

5. Stay Positive

We were lucky. Our friends and family members were totally on board and supportive of us throughout our relationship, but we still had some Negative Nellies who insisted on sharing their gloom.

“It’ll never work.”

“How are you going to make it?”

“I wonder what he/she is doing now.”

You don’t have room for these thoughts in your long distance relationship, so kick ‘em out. Either refuse to talk about your relationship with negative people or distance yourself from them all together.

Your relationship has enough stress. Don’t let someone else dump their stress onto you.

Did you survive a long distance relationship? What other tips would you share?

Traveling to southern Italy? Click here to see how I can help you plan the trip of a lifetime.

Hodgkin’s Disease Survivors Are At Risk for Malignant Neoplasms.(Brief Article)(Statistical Data Included)

Cancer Weekly April 11, 2000 2000 APR 11 – (NewsRx.com) — Childhood survivors of Hodgkin’s disease have a substantial risk for second malignant neoplasms (SMN) according to research published in the March 27, 2000, issue of the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

The most common SMNs are cancers of the skin (non-melanoma), thyroid, and breast, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and acute leukemia.

Daniel M. Green, MD, a pediatric oncologist who directs the Long-Term Follow-Up Clinic at Roswell Park Cancer Institute (RPCI), and colleagues examined the medical records of 182 consecutive, previously untreated patients with Hodgkin’s disease. The patients were less than 20 years of age at diagnosis and were admitted to RPCI for treatment between January 1, 1960, and January 31, 1989. Of this group, 28 members developed 36 SMNs within 30 years of their initial diagnosis for Hodgkin’s disease. Nine patients who developed SMNs died, seven as a result of the SMN, one due to respiratory failure, and one due to progressive Hodgkin’s disease. go to website hodgkin s disease go to web site hodgkin s disease

Hodgkin’s disease is a type of lymphoma in which the cancer cells generally collect in the lymph nodes of the neck, underarm, or groin. The progression of the disease is usually from one node to another, and cells may migrate to the spleen or liver. Hodgkin’s disease was one of the first cancers cured with chemotherapy and is currently treated with the combination of radiotherapy and chemotherapy. The five-year survival exceeds 90%.

“This prolonged survival has led to an unforeseen complication. There is a greater risk of second and subsequent cancers in these patients after they are treated for their initial disease. We believe the solid tumors that arise in this group are caused by their radiation therapy, although some of the chemotherapeutic agents used may increase this risk; the acute leukemias and lymphomas seen are almost always due to chemotherapy,” said Green.

“The cancers most often seen as SMNs are conducive to cancer screening techniques,” he said, “which should be a regular part of the cancer follow-up for former Hodgkin’s disease patients.” In a study, published last November in the Journal of Clinical Oncology, Green evaluated the impact of cardiac disease and SMNs on late mortality and attempted to identify risk factors for late mortality among 15-year survivors of childhood and adolescent cancer. He concluded that survivors who relapsed during the 15-year period had excess mortality.

This article was prepared by Cancer Weekly editors from staff and other reports.