Surviving a long distance relationship is not impossible.

No, it’s not easy-but it is doable.

I dated my husband five years long distance-he was in southern Italy, I was in southeast Texas-and they were the longest five years of my life.

They were also instrumental in helping us nurture our relationship and establish the foundation we have today.

Every now and then I get emails from people, usually women, who are dating an Italian man long distance and looking for some tips, advice or just a caring “ear” from someone who’s been there.

Today, I’ll share those tips with you.

Here are five tips for surviving an international long distance relationship.

photo credit: francoiskarm

1. Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk

… and then talk some more.

Long distance partners have it easier today than we had it just four or five  years ago. With Skype chat and video you can actually engage in conversations without having to rush through phone calls that are costing you a fortune.

Still, that’s what we did.

We called each other three or four times a day, sometimes just to check in and say hi, other times to share a funny story about something that had just happened and other times when we had planned a phone call.

In fact, getting into a routine and knowing when you will hear from your partner is good idea. It helps cement expectations and helps you avoid manic why-hasn’t-he-called moments.

2. Have a Plan

Some relationship experts will tell you to have a plan on when the two of you will be together-forever. Personally, I think that is a little extreme. When my husband and I decided to try our hands at a long distance relationship, we had no idea how it would work out.

Instead of adding to an already stressful relationship by forcing a plan that may or may not be easy to make, take baby steps.

Have a plan on when you will see each other next.

Airport goodbyes are always sad and tearful, but knowing when you will see each other again is essential for moving forward.

3. Get a Life

You absolutely can not have a positive long distance relationship if you crawl into your bed and turn off the lights until he resurfaces. You have to have a life.

Finding your groove when you are apart will fill the time and help you feel more independent-an attractive quality in any partner.

That being said, I attribute much of our success to the fact that we were both over the going-out-every-night-drinking-and-dancing stages of our lives. One night of alcohol-induced craziness can kill any relationship … imagine what it could do after months of missing your long distance lover.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

4. Stay Connected

And I’m not talking Internet, phone or Skype here. I’m talking about you.

Staying connected and ensuring you remain on the same page is instrumental to the success of your LDR. It is also a good idea to put yourself in his/her shoes. Before we’d make any big decision, we would think of what we would have wanted the other person to do in that situation.

If you wouldn’t be comfortable with your boyfriend going out and having drinks with a same-city ex, then you shouldn’t go. But again … make sure you are on the same page.

5. Stay Positive

We were lucky. Our friends and family members were totally on board and supportive of us throughout our relationship, but we still had some Negative Nellies who insisted on sharing their gloom.

“It’ll never work.”

“How are you going to make it?”

“I wonder what he/she is doing now.”

You don’t have room for these thoughts in your long distance relationship, so kick ‘em out. Either refuse to talk about your relationship with negative people or distance yourself from them all together.

Your relationship has enough stress. Don’t let someone else dump their stress onto you.

Did you survive a long distance relationship? What other tips would you share?

Traveling to southern Italy? Click here to see how I can help you plan the trip of a lifetime.

You know how your mom said something as a child that always stuck with you and you find yourself remembering those wise words well into your adult years?

Well, when I was young, I had a hard time understanding the Mother’s and Father’s Day gift-giving rituals that excluding us kids.

“But when is Kid’s Day?” I asked, as I handed her the gift my father had bought in our names.

“Every day is Kid’s Day,” she replied, as she happily accepted the present, along with the laughter and adoration of my father, her quick remarks had earned her.

“Hmmm …,” I thought, as I begrudgingly marched off. “It’s never kids day … and I’ll never tell my kids that!”

And I haven’t. (No, I don’t have kids, but that is neither here nor there, really …)

But I have repeated those words.

When I moved to Calabria in 2006, I’d never heard of the Festa della Donna or International Women’s Day, so I wasn’t really expecting the outpouring of presents I received from my husband. Although he brought me a mimosa flower-and if memory serves, a new pair of shoes-he did have one thing to say about it.

“Why isn’t there an International Men’s Day?” he asked.

… and I think you know what I said.

photo credit: jlastras

But more to the point, today, March 8, is International Women’s Day. It represents not only the economic and political achievements for which it was founded, but for me, here in Calabria, thousands of miles from my closest female family members and friends, it represents gratitude.

1. Today, I’m celebrating Women’s Day with as many international women as I can round up-and that is the first way you can celebrate. We are meeting for pizza and shopping here in Catanzaro, and I, for one, am hoping to hit up the Furniture Fair in Catanzaro Lido.

2. If you can’t get your girls together for lunch and shopping but happen to be in one of Italy’s larger cities, then you are in luck. Venice had free admission to the state museum yesterday and several attractions in Rome and Florence regularly have free or reduced entrance fees for Women’s Day.

3. Recognize the Women in Your Life. I’m thankful for many of them*, particularly the ones who have helped to make my transition into Italy a success.

From the blogless world, I’d like to thank my favorite Irish lass, Jenny, who found my sign for a mother language English teacher in our local bookstore and dialed the number.

Kerri and Felicia, who are down to earth, logical and realistic in their experiences as an expat in Calabria and who share their positive perspectives each time we meet.

For my newest friend, Karen, who’s recent move to Catanzaro has spurred an equally enduring friendship between our husbands and who is teaching me the art of making a mojito.

Many of you know my friend, Michelle of Bleeding Espresso, who incidentally, I met-along with Dawn, from Bovino-the weekend of my first International Women’s Day celebration in Calabria.

So, there you go. Three ways to celebrate International Women’s Day today. What are you planning to do?

*For the purpose of this post I’ve limited my shout-outs to women who live in Calabria. So, Mom, yes … I love you, too!

Traveling to southern Italy? Click here to see how I can help you plan the trip of a lifetime.

(This post was originally published on this website in April, 2007)

***

No woman should ever be party to the following conversation with her true love …

Her: “Happy Six Month anniversary, sweetie…What did you do this morning?”

Him: “I am so tired. I spent all morning with my hoe!”

Her: “WHAT?!!?”

Him: “Yea, I am just worn out!”

—

This was us 48 months ago. Forty-eight months and that hoe is still in the picture!

photo credit: chidorian

At least she was this week.

Peppe decided that Thursday morning was the perfect day to work in the giardino. To me, a garden is a cute little nest of fruit and veggies or a bed of colorful flowers … Yea, not so much the case around here.

We have a B-I-G yard, full of orange, mandarin, and lemon trees, cherry trees, grape vines, a few quasi-dead blooms, and lots of TALL weeds! In a word? Tragico!

I met Peppe downstairs and was immediately handed “the little hoe.”

I was, it seems, too much woman for her, since after two or three smacks in the dirt, she broke. “Never fear,” I am told, “Nino (mio suocero) is great at working with broken hoes. He’ll have her working again in a minute!”

And, he did.

A few hours pass … yes, you read that right … a few HOURS pass, and we are still in the garden. I’m hacking away at some random weeds when Peppe puts his hoe down and says

“Cherrye, sometimes it’s better without your hoe – you gotta use your hands!”

He says this, you see, without cracking a smile, as I am standing there all nasty-minded in the blinding Calabrese sun. I smile to myself, but continue to beat the ground with my hoe. I don’t want to get my hands dirty!

We finally finish and I spend much of Thursday afternoon in a pain-filled stupor. I express my anguish to my mother later that evening, only to have her say …

“Well, Cherrye, you just aren’t used to ‘hoe’ing’ around. I, for one, am glad to hear it!”

And, boy is she right! Two days later I am still stiff! (No pun intended…really!)

I am pretty sure I have bruised my palms, I can’t turn my neck all the way to the right, and Peppe hurt me tonight, when he HUGGED me!

He, on the other hand, isn’t sore at all. Should I be concerned about his “hoe’ing?”

***

In related news, today, December 30 is Peppe’s (cough)th birthday!

Auguri, tesoro … and please after all of these years … no. more. hoes. Deal?

Having a Calabrian father-in-law takes some adjustments.

- No matter how much you eat, it is never enough.

- You have to learn a new language to communicate, and I’m not talking about Italian.

- And no matter how hard you try you might never-ever!-decipher his hand gestures and grunts.

But all that aside, having a Calabrian father-in-law really takes the torta.

And here is why.

1. It is never boring

I’ve written a lot about how funny Italians are, especially my Calabrian suocero, Nino who told his sister he prays for me every night … because he is worried I don’t eat enough.

He also called the weather a bastard and told me I’ve given his son a disease, when my husband refused another piece of chicken and more broccoli … and a few weeks ago, he did it again.

My husband was serving guests at our bed and breakfast and one of them walked outside to enjoy the crisp Calabrian air. I heard my father-in-law mumble something under his breath, followed by a classic “Nino” grunt.

“What did you say?” I asked, thinking he was speaking to me.

“Ah, nothing.” He grumbled. “I thought that was Peppinuccio outside in shorts-but it is not. It is some other asshole!”

2. Every day is a gift day

Likely in an attempt to offset the fact that, at least in his mind, I don’t eat enough, every other day or so is “gift day.” Like many Calabrians, my father-in-law goes grocery shopping every day and almost every day he comes back with a surprise for me.

Check out the loot I got last week. Two Nutella Snacks (with tea), a three-pack of Pocket Espresso and a Kinder Sorpresa. What is not pictured is the two-pack of Gran Soleil desserts. Yum!

3. You can’t pull one over on him

I considered posting a photo to help you visualize my Calabrian father-in-law experience, and like any blogger worth her Wordpress widgets, I asked my subject’s permission.

“Nino,” I began slowly. “I would like to put a picture of you on … ilmiosito … , ok?”

“What?” He asked. You know, he doesn’t hear well.

“A picture. Of you. sulmiosito.”

He looked at me, not smiling.

So I bargained.

“If you let me use your picture, I’ll eat meat. Every day.”

“Watch out,” my husband warned.

“Every day this week,” I clarified quickly.

He looked at me.

“Well,” I told my husband in English. “He didn’t say no.”

Nino’s head jerked up.

“No?” He repeated the one word he’d understood correctly.

“But I’ll eat meat every day.” I told him. “Please?”

“You’re tricking me,” he told me. “You can’t trick me!”

And that was that.

So, dear blog readers, I’m sorry, but you will have to continue to visualize my 70-something year old father-in-law, with his white hair, neatly combed back, his thin-rimmed glasses and gruff grin until I can convince him to pose.

Or you could just come visit us at our bed and breakfast. He shows up here from time to time, too.

Are your in-laws from a different culture than you? What are some of your favorite moments or stories?

While most American expats I know are happily settled into their new lives, being abroad for holidays, birthdays and special occasions can still be tough. We miss our families. We miss our friends. We miss the customs and traditions that made these events back home so darn special.

photo credit: di_the_huntress

If you are an expat living with your expat spouse and expat children, it might be easy to celebrate holidays in the same ways you did back home. However, for expats like me, who tied the knot with one of the natives, there is a little thing called compromise.

Here are three tips for merging cultures during holidays and special events.

Post continues here.

It is that time of year-just after the first good post-summer rain, when the air is fresher, the trees are brighter and the faithful edible snails, or lumache, as we say in Italian, are coming out to play.

And this is serious business for people in my neck of my woods.

You see, the French don’t have the stronghold on preparing these delicacies … the Calabrians think they are just as good. (They just don’t market, or shall we say, share them as well as the French do.)

I saw this little sucker the other day and knew it was just a matter of time before my husband and father-in-law were digging in the dirt and growling at me for not trying them.

Unfortunately, somebody beat them to it.

Oh yes, I give it another week or so before my suocero fills his bag and starts serving ‘em up with a thick homemade marinara to my husband and his brother. And I’ll be there … just watching.

Have you ever tried snails? What did you think? Would you recommend them?

Don’t you just love it when people come up with the excuse to mix good food with a good cause? I know I do. And once again, Michelle of Bleeding Espresso and Sara of Ms. Adventures in Italy have joined forces for the O Foods Contest for Ovarian Cancer Awareness.

And I’d like to do my part.

Or well … my husband would.

Last week I told him I was running out of time to create an O Foods recipe to help Michelle and Sara spread the word about ovarian cancer. And what did he do?

He made us risottO!

So, my friends, here is my husband’s almost-famous porcini risotto, brought to you in honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.

Ingredients:

(Serves two)

>> 1 cup of arborio rice
>> 2 mushroom-flavored bouillon cubes
>> 7 ounces of frozen porcini mushrooms
>> 3 1/2 tablespoons of butter
>> Freshly grated Parmesan cheese
>> Fresh parsley
>> Olive oil

Directions:

1. Heat four cups of water in a medium-size pot and add the bouillon cubes. Check on salt level and adjust as needed.

2. In a pan, heat olive oil and add porcini mushrooms. Cook for 2-3 minutes.

3. Add the rice and stir well.

4. As water from the pan evaporates, slowly add the mushroom-flavored water, one ladle at a time.

5. Stir the rice to ensure it doesn’t stick.

6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 until the rice is fully cooked. (About 45 minutes)

7. When rice is firm, stir in the butter.

8. Top with parsley and freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

Buon Appetito!

I know, I know … it is getting late. But you can still join in the contest. Just read the rules below … then get in the kitchen! There is not much time!

CONTEST RULES

O Foods Contest for Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, and for the second year in a row, Sara of Ms Adventures in Italy and Michelle of Bleeding Espresso are hosting the O Foods Contest to raise awareness of this important health issue.

There are TWO WAYS to take part in the O Foods Contest:

ONE: Post a recipe to your blog using a food that starts or ends with the letter O (e.g., oatmeal, orange, okra, octopus, olive, onion, potato, tomato); include this entire text box in the post; and send your post url along with a photo (100 x 100) to ofoods[at]gmail[dot]com by 11:59 pm (Italy time) on Monday, September 28, 2009.

PRIZES for recipe posts:

• 1st: Signed copy of Dolce Italiano: Desserts from the Babbo Kitchen by Gina DePalma, Executive Pastry Chef of Babbo Ristorante in NYC, who is currently battling ovarian cancer, inspired this event, and will be choosing her favorite recipe for this prize;

• 2nd: Signed copy of Molto Italiano: 327 Simple Italian Recipes to Cook at Home by Mario Batali (winner chosen by Sara);

• 3rd: Signed copy of Vino Italiano: The Regional Italian Wines of Italy by Joseph Bastianich (winner chosen by Michelle).

OR

TWO: If you’re not into the recipe thing, simply post this entire text box in a post on your blog to help spread the word and send your post url to ofoods[at]gmail[dot]com by 11:59 pm (Italy time) on Monday, September 28, 2009.

Awareness posts PRIZE:

• One winner chosen at random will receive a Teal Toes tote bag filled with ovarian cancer awareness goodies that you can spread around amongst your friends and family.

———

From the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund:

• Ovarian cancer is the leading cause of death from gynecologic cancers in the United States and is the fifth leading cause of cancer death among U.S. women; a woman’s lifetime risk of ovarian cancer is 1 in 67.
• The symptoms of ovarian cancer are often vague and subtle, making it difficult to diagnose, but include bloating, pelvic and/or abdominal pain, difficulty eating or feeling full quickly; and urinary symptoms (urgency or frequency).
• There is no effective screening test for ovarian cancer but there are tests which can detect ovarian cancer when patients are at high risk or have early symptoms.
• In spite of this, patients are usually diagnosed in advanced stages and only 45% survive longer than five years. Only 19% of cases are caught before the cancer has spread beyond the ovary to the pelvic region.
• When ovarian cancer is detected and treated early on, the five-year survival rate is greater than 92%.

And remember, you can also always donate to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund at our page through FirstGiving!

Please help spread the word about ovarian cancer.
Together we can make enough noise to kill this silent killer.

Oh, really?

If so, then tell me … how many continents are there?

If you said seven, you are wrong!

By talian fifth grade standards, that is.

photo credit: JMazzolaa

This debate recently arose when I asked my husband why he-and his fellow paesani-insist on referring to people from Argentina, Canada, Brazil, etc., etc. as “Americans.”

“Argentinians and Americans come from two different countries, you know,” I told him. “Why does everyone mix this up?”

“Well you are all from the Americas … the same continent,” he said. “Close enough.”

“It is not the same continent,” I began …

“Cherrrrrye,” my father-in-law cut in, “There are five continents …”

Whoa!

It was my turn to interrupt.

Our debate ensued with his father bulking “the Americas” together and insisting Antarctica was just ice, and as such, does not constitute a continent.

Peppe agreed.

Oh Dio Mio!

“How can I live in this country?” I thought. “They don’t even know how many continents there are!”

So we took our argument to the Internet.

And it seems … we were both right.

Americans-whoever that may be-are taught there are seven continents.

North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica and Australia

Italians are taught there are five.

America, Europe, Asia, Oceania and Africa

And I didn’t even know this was up for debate. In fact, if you Google “how many continents are there” you’ll see quite the discussion.

So there you have it … if you ever find yourself with an invitation to the game show, you’ll be prepared and you’ll know how to answer the question … Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader!

On an average, I’d say my husband and I get 10-12 emails a month from English-speaking guests asking about our bed and breakfast in Catanzaro. And nine times out of 10, I’m the one who responds.

Most of these would-be guests are interested in visiting Catanzaro because their family tree has branches here in Calabria and oh, I’d say two times out of 10, I know the village they are asking about.

Well a few months ago, I responded to a Mississippi woman now living in Colorado who wanted to celebrate her husband’s 50th birthday near his grandfather’s village … in San Fili.

Now for many people San Fili is just like any other southern Italian mountain village. There are about 2,000 people or so currently living there-and one stop light. Maybe two.

But what was interesting to me is that my husband’s mother was also from San Fili.

That evening I told him about the coincidence.

“What was your grandmother’s last name, by the way?” I asked him, still excited about this small-town connection.

“Cesario,” he said. Pronounced “chay sarr eo.”

“Uhm.” I thought about it for a second and ran to my laptop. “Is it spelled C-E-S-A-R-I-O?” I asked.

“Yea,” he said. “Why?”

Because it was the same name!

Our would-be guests who hoped to visit in the spring had ancestors from San Fili and shared a last name with my husband’s grandmother.

How exciting.

I immediately emailed them back with the news and we exchanged several emails over the next few months.

Finally, they arrived.

And they were wonderful.

While a true familial connection could never be traced, we are fairly confident that my husband’s American cousins paid us a visit.

We were also lucky that week to have a fun father-daughter team visiting from Australia. So, in true Calabrian-style. We all went out for dinner.

And gelato.

In other San Fili news, we have a house for sale there. If you are interested in a cozy, three-floor house in an ancient southern Italian mountain village … let me know.

 
Every now and then my molto romantico marito surprises me with a gift that is tailor-made … well, for him. As was the case with my latest surprise-two passes to the Masters Tennis Tournament. The up side? The tournament was in Rome.
 
We compromised on the trip details and decided to close Il Cedro for four days and three nights and head to the city. The Eternal City. In celebration of our fabulous long-weekend his present, I’m sharing the love with you.
 
This week-all week-we’re talking Rome, baby.
 
So get ready. These country mice went to the big city. And we have a lot to tell.
 

Peppe and me in our only couples picture of the weekend

 
Remember that fabulous 50 buck round-trip flight I told you about between Rome and Calabria? Well it is fab, but unfortunately for us, the only day they don’t fly is on Saturdays. So we train’ed it up-six hours is but a snap in time when you’re going to Rome.
 
We arrived around 3:00 on a bright, sunny, warm day and headed straight to the Colosseum, where in honor of the April 25 Festa Della Liberazione, tickets were free.
 

My almost Roman gladiator scaring off the tourists

 
That evening we met some of our Roman friends-one of whom was actually our first long-term B&B guest-for dinner and drinks. In typical Roman style, we didn’t enter the restaurant until after 10:00 PM and were ushered out around 1:00. The pasta was homemade and smothered with pecorino cheese and truffle sauce, the wine was strong, the atmosphere, eclectic. But don’t get me started now … I’ll get into that later in the week.
 
The next morning, these two little country Catholics headed to Saint Peter’s Square and were thrilled to discover the canonization of five saints, along with a Latin language mass, being led by the Pope.
 

See that little yellow dot behind me? Look harder. That’s him!

 
After strolling around all afternoon, visiting the Spanish steps and window-shopping along Via Condotti, we were thirsty. So we met with the well-liked and wildly-respected NYC/Caribbean Ragazza for an aperitivo-where one hour, turned into two, that turned into four.
 

The famous NYC/Caribbean Ragazza and I met for drinks

 
Our final full-day in Rome was dedicated to tennis and if you know anything about the sport, you know the man in the blue hat below is Roger Federer. I didn’t know, but he was quickly pointed out to me by a rush of anxious Italian girls screaming, “Eeey lowve you, Rrroger!” as he welcomed the group in English.
 

Number two in the world, tennis champ, Roger Federer

 
Although our last 18 hours or so in the Eternal City were dampered with dreary rain and almost unbearable humidity, our long weekend was perfect. After all, how many people have the opportunity to spend a few days off in the capital of the Bel Paese-and we weren’t taking that for granted.
 
Have you been to Rome? What would you do if you only had three nights to spend in the Eternal City?